Thanks

Writing this quick streamline before I go to work, even though I dont really want most people to ever read it, but I know someone will.  Had a weird dream last night.  Wasnt weird because it involved my last gf, that still stays pretty consistent.  Shes still the girl of my dreams, no matter what happens during the rest of my life that decides to stay constant (sorry future wife, you may try to change this but you probably wont ever want to ask if you did/have).  The weird thing was it was pretty revelatory about my personality.  The dream was all about how I tend not to express gratitude and appreciation.  Also, I am not as good at complimenting people when I remain nervous around them.  So here it is in the blog.  Thanks, ATB.  You work tirelessly to help those in your life, even when they arent as grateful as they should be.  Off to work and off to be a more grateful, more appreciative, more complimentary person.  This could be scary, I may have to get rid of more of my shyness.

What to do with life?

Sometimes life gives you a lot of choices, and you dont really want any of them.  All of the choices are good choices, and they could all be good opportunities, but none of them are really anything that is very exciting.  I could stay at my current job, .living situation, etc for who knows how long.  I could go back to Utah or somewhere else to go to grad school.  I could just shirk all responsibility and become a hippie and live by the beach in a van.  There are a million different plausible situations and choices in front of me and I dont want any of them.  Im pretty happy.  All of the people around here are great and I could be happy as a clam chatting with the weirdest of the weirdies for hours.  I really enjoy people, talking with them, learning about them.  Problem is, I am super shy.  No one who knows me remembers that I am shy, but I really am.  So now I am just a shy introvert, waiting to create a situation to get excited about, but making life as exciting as it can be for right now.  Heck, I could keep going to Lindsey Stirling concerts and wouldnt mind catching Penta or Sara B, and just going on a fun concert spree.  Also, I still love sea animals, oceans and aquariums. Who knows what another week holds?  Miss the band perry, Miss wont stop whispering in your ear conversations in sunday school.  Life is crazy, Im just livin it and tryin to have a good time lovin it.  Ill just keep musin on the random noncoherent musings....

Stir Crazy

  I never thought of myself as someone who was always waiting for something new and exciting, and wasnt appreciative of what the have, but I think I was wrong.  I dont do well staying in one place or going after one thing.  In college, I moved apartments every year.  Red flag.  I should have realized then that I dont do well with permanency.  I did stay consistent with my major, and in general, I tend to finish things I start.  Books are one of my exceptions.  I love books, but I dont finish lots of them.  I have always had goals in life, but I have always needed goals in life.  Right now, I dont know what I want to do or what I should try and accomplish.  Some days, I want to venture into formal dance lessons, although I really think I want to wait on this one until I find a girl that I can dance with forever.  Other days, I want to go to art museums and just get lost learning and admiring.  Most days, I want to get lost in the world of fashion and by new exciting clothes. Thats just it though, I could never satisfy that desire for a new shirt, or a new tie, or a new pair of shoes.  Luckily I dont have too much money that I can worry about that yet.   What to do next?

The backwards hat

Tonight I came from basketball to tutoring with my BYU hat on backwards.  One of the high school girls was like, "nice backwards hat".   I can read sarcasm from a mile away....Its my game so its hard to beat me at.  Some previous girls that also thought they knew me said the same thing "you, and a backwards hat, it doesnt work".  Actually, the backwards hat is my personality.  In the future, no one will keep me from wearing the hat backwards when I want, because it is who I am.  Most people know the nice kid that will do anything for you.  If will go out of my way for people that like me and people that dont like me, but that doesnt mean Im a pushover or that I have no edge.  Really, the backwards hat is who I am, because I am never who you think I am.  You think Im the nerd that does science and math.  Well, English was my favorite subject all through high school.  I love lit.  Poems and classic works are my favorites.  I enjoy country music, hip-hop, regaetton, bachata, metallica, and many others.  Though I may do anything for you in normal circumstances, you dont want to be on the opposite side of me on a basketball court, a soccer pitch, or anything similar.  I will be nervous and quiet if you dont know me, but Ill be the loudest kid if you do.  I love to cut loose on the dance floor and have fun.  In the end, I enjoy helping people more than anything else, but I love to have fun...so Ill keep rockin my swag how I will and ya'all can quit whining about it!  

Awkward lunch

Ill preface this by saying I know I am going to take a lot of crap from the female gender for this one.  Hear me out anyway, I thought it had some hilarity.  So I am sitting in a Rubios eating lunch facing the temple outside.  A cute blonde girl walked right through my view and so I looked at her and smiled and she was already smiling back.  Cute blonde girl proceeded to enter the Rubios.  There was probably a good 15-20 seats open in various places, so there was no way she was gonna take the one right between me and awkward Doctor I cant take phone calls quietly and have to take them all through lunch.  Well, I was wrong she rolled up right to the spot that was so ridiculously close to me it wasnt even funny.  If you can eat from the other persons burrito or kiss them without moving, probably to close for a first encounter.  So said blondie decides shes just gonna keep her headphones in.  I am just chillin in the world of mixed signals.  Crazy girl goes through all this effort to sit awkwardly next to me but wont take the headphones off so I could actually start a conversation.  In the middle of eating Dr Crazy left and the girl slid over. I was like "ok off the hook, message is she just really wanted to sit on this row".  Well she slid out got salsa and then slid awkardly right back over to that close seat.  By now, I was done eating and not gonna try to pull her out of her ipod world.  Sorry girl, I know it looks like you made a ton of effort daring to move next to me and take the only seat nearby, but seriously if you want me to talk to you lose the headphones.

as much as our intellectual presumptions lead to pretty little plans,
life presumes to deviate our planned passages.
the resulting journeys of joy and pain through obstacles of
pride, prejudice, love, and avarice lead ever onwards to an unseen end.
The ability to follow the paved path of gold we walk
depending upon our ability to find friends with similar aspirations.
Together realizing, but altogether never realizing, the originally presumed purposes.
The end achieved through the means of the different lots life dealt.
The Omniscient hand ever pushing us to push ourselves
to find our respective selves and 

Hurricanes in our Hearts

I dont write a lot down on paper and so a lot of thoughts and feelings I have shared with family and friends have either become part of their memories or have disappeared forever.  When I got home from Miami I didnt have any clue what I wanted to talk to people about, however as I sat on the stand and was a few minutes from taking the pulpit I realized what everything was all about, "Hurricanes in our Hearts".  I experienced Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Wilma while in Miami.  Both hurricanes were category 3s when they hit us.  The winds were upwards of 100 mph and the force was incredible.  Hurricanes are the most beautifully destructive thing I have ever experienced.  There really is something freakily beautiful in natures destructive power.  After a hurricane everything is left devastated.  The initial destruction is not what you worry about, its the after effects.  The lack of clean, drinkable tap water.  The lack of power for weeks or months.  The lack of a warm shower.  Having to clear and help friends and neighbors clear all the fallen trees, mend the broken fences, and mend their hearts and souls.  Really hurricanes are all about the last part. Hurricanes are a battle of heart, soul, and will.  The only way to get through it is by loving each other and loving Christ.  Trials in life will be our hurricanes.  Trials can leave us without power, with debris, and brokenness.  As we seek to lift ourselves up we must first do the unthinkable, turn and start lifting everyone else up.  It is easy to think, hey ill take care of myself and my own first and then ill worry about everyone else.  The truth is as we do the unthinkable and start pushing and lifting with those around us we will find God reaching down to push and pull with us.  Behold the lillies of the field.  If we our worried about our own needs we first need to relax and feed Christs sheep.